January 27, 2023
FRAMINGHAM, MA
Following the recent discovery of several classified documents in the home of President Joe Biden and Former Vice President Mike Pence, the National Archives and the Department of Justice have asked other high ranking government officials to conduct a thorough search of their homes and offices for any classified documents they may have overlooked.
Aides of Framingham’s mayor complied fully with the request and completed a full audit of his home and office. In the end, they did not find any classified documents, but they did uncover several pages of unclassified material.
A spokesperson for the mayor’s office claimed, “There is nothing to see here. These files and documents are not top secret, not marked as sensitive or eyes-only, and in fact, are perfectly suitable for public consumption. They are simply a small sample of the myriad pages of documentation the mayor at times must bring home with him to review – in order to do his job effectively.”
A couple of city councilors were unconvinced. They called for a FOIA request, demanding to see for themselves what the mayor might be hiding.
“FOIA the documents all you want,” said the mayor’s spokesperson. “Not only will you find nothing sensational, but you will be utterly bored to tears.”
“The worst thing you might find is a bunch of doodles and quick notes on the back side of some of the documents, as they come in quite handy as scratch paper. One of them has a message that reads ‘don’t forget the milk on the way home’. Another one contains a doodle of a pine tree.”
“Boring or not, we want to see them,” demanded one city councilor. “These documents surely must be more interesting than any of the crap we have to read through. If I have to take home one more packet detailing the ins and outs of municipal zoning laws, I’m going to tear my hair out!”
Another city councilor wasn’t so concerned about the content of the documents so much as the fact that they might have been mishandled.
“It is my understanding that the mayor kept these documents in a very neat folder in a secure filing cabinet. To me, this is a serious problem because I resent the fact that he is far more fastidious than I am when it comes to managing all that paper. I mean my house looks like a veritable paper tornado hit it,” said another councilor.
Incidentally, an audit of the city councilor’s home revealed no classified documents there, either. Not that anyone could possibly find anything amidst that pile of $%#@&*!
The Ham and Cheese 